Dear 2020, you will not be missed…
First of all, I wanted to say that you made it to the end of the year!! That in itself is an accomplishment.
Usually at this time of year people love summing up all of their amazing achievements and highlighting their wins within the last 12 months. All of that sounds great but what about the craziness of 2020?
On a personal level, right from the start, the year began in the worst possible way. And then just a couple of months later we all know what happened next so I’m not even going to talk about it.
I wanted to write this post to say that I didn’t do as much as I wanted to (Or what I thought I wanted to). I didn’t get to check off a lot more items on my bucket list or continue exploring the new city I moved to like I had planned. I didn’t become an expert at baking banana bread and honestly some days even watching a show felt like a chore.
I know it can be really discouraging seeing social media posts with this “grind” mentality saturating our timelines (influencers working out consistently, starting new companies and just always doing something). I know it can start to feel like we should be using the extra time we might have gained from being at home all day and invest this time into something more beneficial. I work so hard to get to where I want to be, I take risks and accept challenges and never settle for less. But at the same time I take 4 hour naps and stare at the wall whilst sitting in my wet towel after getting out of the shower.
Some would probably call this being unproductive but I think a better choice of words would be taking time to rest and just doing the best that I can. I realised that it’s completely acceptable and healthy to not always be hustling 24/7 at any period of my life but especially more so during challenging times like these.
I’ve also learned to not get stuck by an idea or plan. The idealist in me usually believes that anything is possible but the realist in me knows that plans don’t always work out exactly how we imagined because…life happens and some things are really out of our control no matter how hard we work and how much effort we invest.
For almost 6 months I had no idea what was really happening in my life and I was living in this unknown space of uncertainty. Although I got accepted into my dream school (OMGGdnklhnfljsfkjwabjAghhhhhhhh!!!) there were still external factors (my residency) that slowed down the whole process so I still didn’t know if I would be able to attend or not.
After drowning in paperwork, going crazy with emails back and forth and sending all sorts of documents I finally found out that I can and will be starting at my dream school this month! It was so frustrating knowing that I got accepted but I might not actually be able to attend. FIT was the only school I wanted to go to and the only one I applied for so I was very determined about this but I came to understand that some things are really not within my authority and I eventually had to come up with plan B’s and to just be okay with it if necessary. At the point when I thought I wouldn’t be able to go, I cried for 10 minutes and let myself feel angry at the whole system here.
And then I moved on.
If it didn’t go according to my plan then so be it, I would have come up with another solution as I always do. By no means am I saying to give up, it’s just that there’s usually other options and routes that will lead you to a similar destination and maybe even a better one. I know that I will always do whatever I can to the best of my ability but sometimes you just gotta let things go, breath and move on.
Life isn’t about success or failure (whatever those words even mean). It’s about learning each day and gaining new experiences. When we stop seeing only two black and white outcomes and rather enjoy the journey itself for what it is, we can find something amazing. We subconsciously categorise everything we do as either a win or a loss but how about just living without all of the complications and feeling the need to prove ourselves to other people.
Both old and new challenges will still be here in 2021 but I’m happy (stressed about many things yes…but still happy because I already have the most important things in my life and everything that I need, and that’s really enough).
I reached a new level of consciousness this year and I could go on about all the other things I learned but that would take up another 100 pages so in summary…
- I don’t always need to be in boss mode
- The real meaning of success and failure is not what society defines it as
- It’s okay to adapt the original plan
Once again if you made it to the end thanks for reading! Did you come to any realisations this year? I would love to hear what 2020 taught you in the comments.