Tag: Selfimprovement

4 Things Introverts Want You To Know

4 Things Introverts Want You To Know

We’re all different and we each have our own ways of dealing with things and processing the world. It’s super important to get an understanding of other people’s perceptions and get to know these varied personalities beyond our own. In this way we develop a 

The Real Reason Why I Moved Country- Alone, At 19

The Real Reason Why I Moved Country- Alone, At 19

Growing up a lot of my sentences started with, “when I live in New York…” but of course it was all just a distant dream. So in my last year of college when everyone was moving on to the next step in their lives and 

What Is Holding Me Back From Being Who I Want To Be?

What Is Holding Me Back From Being Who I Want To Be?

So I’m rewriting this again. This time it’s going to be real. I’m literally writing this as if it’s not even going to be published on here because every time I think of someone reading it I get so uncomfortable and start worrying about making sure it all sounds perfect. 

This post isn’t about being perfect; in fact it’s the complete opposite. I need to write this without thinking too much about the words I’m using or wondering what people will think about me after reading. So my aim is to just pour out my thoughts onto the page and that’s it. 

I’ve been avoiding writing about this topic because I’m literally just spilling out my unhealthy characteristics which wasn’t easy for sure. I also had to take numerous breaks because it was just too much to consciously think about some of my biggest pitfalls. I had already written this post for the most part but when I read it back there was something not quite right about it and it felt very unnatural. I wasn’t being completely honest but instead I was thinking more about what sounded good and what people would want to read. I’d type something out only to hit backspace again and again, deleting what I really wanted to say. Anyway, here’s to take number 257 and hopefully this is the one that gets published on my blog. 

So what’s really holding me back?

  1. I LIVE IN MY MIND-

I’m someone that always looks inward which means I’m very self-conscious. Being introspective is awesome but when taken too far I start to over analyse the little things. It’s what I’m good at; trying to figure out why things happened a certain way, whether I said the right thing when I was talking to that person and worrying if I offended someone. Nothing is ever simple in my mind and it’s exhausting. So much of my mental capacity is given to useless worry, doubt and over thinking. 

My brain never switches off and you’ll probably find me day-dreaming most of the time. You could be having a full on conversation with me and I’ll be staring at you straight in the face but not hear a single word…sorryyyyy 🙁  This is the result of me usually being in my imagination as I spend a lot of time in my own thoughts thinking up all sorts of made up scenarios that haven’t actually happened. A lot of the time I catch myself believing my thoughts to be true and start to feel some type of way over how things played out in my mind. It sounds ridiculous, I know! 

Logical advice I give to others but need to follow myself…

I have the power to control my thoughts and decide which ones to dismiss and which ones to engage with. We have thousands of thoughts a day and not all of them are significant. Most of the time our thoughts aren’t even reality they are just made up situations. I have this annoying voice in the back of my head that’s just always talking meaningless nonsense so I’m trying to get into a new habit of decluttering what goes on in my mind. Rather than living in my thoughts I need to start being more present and take action in the real world. I have already found focusing on the present moment to be so relieving.  The good thing about me is that I’m able to identify when I’m overthinking. It takes consistency to start a new habit and since I can already recognize when I’m falling into the over thinking I’m already a step ahead. 

  1. I AM A PERFECTIONIST-

I hold myself up to almost unattainably high standards and nothing is ever good enough. I really appreciate when people acknowledge my work but even then I find it hard to accept and try to deflect the compliments as if I should be ashamed of being good at something. If I believe the quality of what I do isn’t the best it could be, I’ll just feel like a failure.

On another level, being a perfectionist affects my social interactions, I’m always trying to be the best version of myself for other people and try to put on a perfect persona. I try to become who people want me to be and live up to their idea of who they think I am.  I’m still very judgmental towards myself and constantly striving for something I can’t reach which leaves me feeling inadequate. I’m so afraid of making mistakes which holds me back from being who I really am and that results in missed opportunities. 

I’m always down to trying new things but my anxiety increases because I create all of these expectations for myself and instead of just enjoying the process of learning, I get caught up by the idea of having to “succeed” at whatever it is I attempt. I actually briefly touched on this topic in my “perfectionism and procrastination” post which you can read here! http://leahrene.co.uk/perfectionism-and-procrastination/

More advice I tell myself that I should really start following…

Be kinder to myself and accept where I’m at, my flaws included and embrace mistakes. Slipping up is how we grow and if I’m not making mistakes then I’m not learning anything new. Practice self- acceptance, trust myself more and don’t take everything so seriously!! 

If someone praises you then just say thank you and own it. Love who you are right now but enjoy the fact that every day you have the chance to start becoming whoever you want to be.

  1. I’M EXTREMELY PRIVATE

I’m withdrawn and I avoid opening up to people. I actually feel emotions on a very deep level but something about people getting to know the vulnerable side to me makes me uneasy- my poker face goes unmatched. I would hate to feel pitied in any way and definitely don’t want to talk about my problems when there are more complex issues going on in the world. Everyone should have someone they can be upfront with and I already know that I have people in my life that are there to listen to me but it’s just my insecurities that makes me put up walls even to those I’m closest with. I don’t want my feelings to be a burden to others, so I keep it all inside. 

How I’m handling this…

Sharing ideas and discussing certain subjects on my blog definitely helps and the more I post the more comfortable I become with it.

It’s not even about everyone knowing everything about me or my personal business but being able to identify the people I’m close with, even if it’s just one person, and start by opening myself up to them in small ways. 

Everyone is dealing with their own problems and nobody has it all together so chances are they may be dealing with similar issues that we are also going through. I think it’s important to allow ourselves to feel and experience these negative feelings rather than pretending they don’t exist. 

  1. I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE-

Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by everything I want to achieve and accomplish. I can’t help but jump from one idea to another and because my interests are so varied I continue to get captured by something else that caught my attention. I get distracted by too many things and find it hard to just focus on a handful of my goals and pay close attention to them. 

I have all these ideas but no idea where to start; so I end up doing nothing and procrastinating a huge deal. 

Last bit of advice from me to me…

The whole point is that I don’t have to take on everything all at once. I need to focus on just a couple of my interests instead of expending my efforts across multiple others and stay consistent with whatever it is I’m working on. 

***

We’re our own worst enemies and the first step to stop holding ourselves back is to identify and admit to our downfalls.  

If you relate to any of this and have some of your own tips, I would love to hear so please feel free to share them in the comment section! 

Thanks for stopping by,

Leah x

Get To Know Me Tag

Get To Know Me Tag

I’ve always enjoyed reading and watching these “Get To Know Me” tags so I put together some questions I found on Pinterest and gave it a go just for fun. The questions get a little random but I’m sure you’ll definitely learn something new about 

Perfectionism and Procrastination

Perfectionism and Procrastination

Perfectionism// Setting highly unrealistic standards for yourself and chronically avoiding failure. In other words, a one way ticket to low self worth and feelings of hopelessness. Whilst aiming for your best and holding high standards is definitely a positive characteristic, when taking this to the 

The Healthy Path to Self Improvement

The Healthy Path to Self Improvement

The importance of self-improvement:

By evaluating where you are in life in relation to where you would like to be provides the motivation to work towards your goals and develop your current talents. Overall, becoming a better version of yourself leads to improved self esteem.  Not only do you improve your own body and mind, your relationships with others are also enhanced as you make improvements on personality traits and mental/physical health. 

On the other hand, It is crucial to realise that  self improvement is a journey and that we always have something to work on. When taking an unbalanced view, it can lead to self destruction where one creates ideals of perfection, striving for the unattainable. This is the pitfall of self improvement if it becomes an obsession.

Here are some tips for a healthy self improvement journey:

1. Start Small-

When i want to start again and make changes, I get super excited and overly eager to do everything all at once and then after the first day I’ve lost my motivation to improve, thinking it’s not possible. Being realistic is necessary as working on one thing at a time will be manageable to achieve in our non stop lives. By making minor changes in your life will encourage you to make another minor improvement which will eventually have a greater collective effect. 

2. Write down specific but not measurable goals-

By putting down a date and time period for achieving goals can lead to disappointment if we don’t meet the goal. As I already said, self improvement is a journey and we can better ourselves each day. There is no finish line or stop sign to end self improvement as there is always something we can work on within ourselves.

3. Compare yourself to who you were before and not to someone else- 

It’s in the name. SELF improvement is about focusing on enhancing yourself. So why would you make comparisons to where someone else is at on their path. If you are better than the person you were yesterday then that’s exactly where you should be and you’re heading in the right direction!

I’d love to read some of your tips on this topic so feel free to share them in the comments 😊

Thanks for stopping by,

Ciao, Leah ⚡️