Recent Posts

4 Things Introverts Want You To Know

4 Things Introverts Want You To Know

We’re all different and we each have our own ways of dealing with things and processing the world. It’s super important to get an understanding of other people’s perceptions and get to know these varied personalities beyond our own. In this way we develop a 

The Real Reason Why I Moved Country- Alone, At 19

The Real Reason Why I Moved Country- Alone, At 19

Growing up a lot of my sentences started with, “when I live in New York…” but of course it was all just a distant dream. So in my last year of college when everyone was moving on to the next step in their lives and 

What Is Holding Me Back From Being Who I Want To Be?

What Is Holding Me Back From Being Who I Want To Be?

So I’m rewriting this again. This time it’s going to be real. I’m literally writing this as if it’s not even going to be published on here because every time I think of someone reading it I get so uncomfortable and start worrying about making sure it all sounds perfect. 

This post isn’t about being perfect; in fact it’s the complete opposite. I need to write this without thinking too much about the words I’m using or wondering what people will think about me after reading. So my aim is to just pour out my thoughts onto the page and that’s it. 

I’ve been avoiding writing about this topic because I’m literally just spilling out my unhealthy characteristics which wasn’t easy for sure. I also had to take numerous breaks because it was just too much to consciously think about some of my biggest pitfalls. I had already written this post for the most part but when I read it back there was something not quite right about it and it felt very unnatural. I wasn’t being completely honest but instead I was thinking more about what sounded good and what people would want to read. I’d type something out only to hit backspace again and again, deleting what I really wanted to say. Anyway, here’s to take number 257 and hopefully this is the one that gets published on my blog. 

So what’s really holding me back?

  1. I LIVE IN MY MIND-

I’m someone that always looks inward which means I’m very self-conscious. Being introspective is awesome but when taken too far I start to over analyse the little things. It’s what I’m good at; trying to figure out why things happened a certain way, whether I said the right thing when I was talking to that person and worrying if I offended someone. Nothing is ever simple in my mind and it’s exhausting. So much of my mental capacity is given to useless worry, doubt and over thinking. 

My brain never switches off and you’ll probably find me day-dreaming most of the time. You could be having a full on conversation with me and I’ll be staring at you straight in the face but not hear a single word…sorryyyyy 🙁  This is the result of me usually being in my imagination as I spend a lot of time in my own thoughts thinking up all sorts of made up scenarios that haven’t actually happened. A lot of the time I catch myself believing my thoughts to be true and start to feel some type of way over how things played out in my mind. It sounds ridiculous, I know! 

Logical advice I give to others but need to follow myself…

I have the power to control my thoughts and decide which ones to dismiss and which ones to engage with. We have thousands of thoughts a day and not all of them are significant. Most of the time our thoughts aren’t even reality they are just made up situations. I have this annoying voice in the back of my head that’s just always talking meaningless nonsense so I’m trying to get into a new habit of decluttering what goes on in my mind. Rather than living in my thoughts I need to start being more present and take action in the real world. I have already found focusing on the present moment to be so relieving.  The good thing about me is that I’m able to identify when I’m overthinking. It takes consistency to start a new habit and since I can already recognize when I’m falling into the over thinking I’m already a step ahead. 

  1. I AM A PERFECTIONIST-

I hold myself up to almost unattainably high standards and nothing is ever good enough. I really appreciate when people acknowledge my work but even then I find it hard to accept and try to deflect the compliments as if I should be ashamed of being good at something. If I believe the quality of what I do isn’t the best it could be, I’ll just feel like a failure.

On another level, being a perfectionist affects my social interactions, I’m always trying to be the best version of myself for other people and try to put on a perfect persona. I try to become who people want me to be and live up to their idea of who they think I am.  I’m still very judgmental towards myself and constantly striving for something I can’t reach which leaves me feeling inadequate. I’m so afraid of making mistakes which holds me back from being who I really am and that results in missed opportunities. 

I’m always down to trying new things but my anxiety increases because I create all of these expectations for myself and instead of just enjoying the process of learning, I get caught up by the idea of having to “succeed” at whatever it is I attempt. I actually briefly touched on this topic in my “perfectionism and procrastination” post which you can read here! http://leahrene.co.uk/perfectionism-and-procrastination/

More advice I tell myself that I should really start following…

Be kinder to myself and accept where I’m at, my flaws included and embrace mistakes. Slipping up is how we grow and if I’m not making mistakes then I’m not learning anything new. Practice self- acceptance, trust myself more and don’t take everything so seriously!! 

If someone praises you then just say thank you and own it. Love who you are right now but enjoy the fact that every day you have the chance to start becoming whoever you want to be.

  1. I’M EXTREMELY PRIVATE

I’m withdrawn and I avoid opening up to people. I actually feel emotions on a very deep level but something about people getting to know the vulnerable side to me makes me uneasy- my poker face goes unmatched. I would hate to feel pitied in any way and definitely don’t want to talk about my problems when there are more complex issues going on in the world. Everyone should have someone they can be upfront with and I already know that I have people in my life that are there to listen to me but it’s just my insecurities that makes me put up walls even to those I’m closest with. I don’t want my feelings to be a burden to others, so I keep it all inside. 

How I’m handling this…

Sharing ideas and discussing certain subjects on my blog definitely helps and the more I post the more comfortable I become with it.

It’s not even about everyone knowing everything about me or my personal business but being able to identify the people I’m close with, even if it’s just one person, and start by opening myself up to them in small ways. 

Everyone is dealing with their own problems and nobody has it all together so chances are they may be dealing with similar issues that we are also going through. I think it’s important to allow ourselves to feel and experience these negative feelings rather than pretending they don’t exist. 

  1. I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE-

Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by everything I want to achieve and accomplish. I can’t help but jump from one idea to another and because my interests are so varied I continue to get captured by something else that caught my attention. I get distracted by too many things and find it hard to just focus on a handful of my goals and pay close attention to them. 

I have all these ideas but no idea where to start; so I end up doing nothing and procrastinating a huge deal. 

Last bit of advice from me to me…

The whole point is that I don’t have to take on everything all at once. I need to focus on just a couple of my interests instead of expending my efforts across multiple others and stay consistent with whatever it is I’m working on. 

***

We’re our own worst enemies and the first step to stop holding ourselves back is to identify and admit to our downfalls.  

If you relate to any of this and have some of your own tips, I would love to hear so please feel free to share them in the comment section! 

Thanks for stopping by,

Leah x

Why You Should Embrace Your Singleness

Why You Should Embrace Your Singleness

We grow up in a society where relationships are romanticised and it’s almost an expectation that we should at least be working on getting into a relationship in order to find success and happiness. Especially for women, being single is still greatly stigmatised and unfortunately many people 

Can I Survive LIVING In New York City?

Can I Survive LIVING In New York City?

Without a doubt, New York is such a dream destination for millions of people! After living in Queens for a year and a half and spending most of my time in Manhattan I think I’ve grasped a fair deal of what life in New York 

Get To Know Me Tag

Get To Know Me Tag

I’ve always enjoyed reading and watching these “Get To Know Me” tags so I put together some questions I found on Pinterest and gave it a go just for fun. The questions get a little random but I’m sure you’ll definitely learn something new about me either way.

Let’s get it started-

  • Would you rather trade some intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence? 

Trade looks for intelligence and maybe give me a little more common sense too !

  • If you had a warning label what would yours say?

Warning: Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.

Keep out of the reach of negative energy.

  • If you were another person would you be friends with you?

I think it would take a while to get to know me properly but after a couple margaritas I don’t see why not hehe.

  • Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? 

Because everyone’s been begging to know the answer to this question haha- apparently I’ve been wearing shoes that are a size too small for me which is why I would always take forever to get them on and off. That isn’t an issue anymore. 

  • What is your favorite drink? 

Iced coffee but I mostly drink water.

  • Mountain hideaway or beach house? 

Both sound perfect to me. At this point in quarantine I’d take any, I’m not being choosy. But preferably that beach house please and thanks.

  • Hair colour? 

My natural hair colour looks black but it’s a very dark brown. 

  • Do you wear contacts? 

Yes. My physical vision is terrible but I think I can see through you pretty darn well. 

  • Favourite dessert? 

This is so hard because I have a big sweet tooth but one of my favourites is Tiramisu. 

  • Scary movies or romance?

I’m always in the mood for a good thriller but romance has always been at the top. 

  • Summer or Winter? 

Summer forever! I just wanna be a beach babe.

  • If you were a man for a day what would be the first thing you do? 

Eat as much as I want without being judged and go out shirtless whilst I’m at it. 

  • What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person? 

Veiny arms…but not too veiny…this is so weird.

  • If you got stuck in an elevator and were forced to listen to only one song what would it be? 

Diva- Homecoming album by Beyoncé. Perfect to put on my own personal performance as  long as I’m trapped in there alone. 

  • What do you miss? 

Going outside!!!

  • First thing you notice in a new person? 

Their confidence and how comfortable they are within themselves.

  • Favorite style of clothing?

I haven’t really found my signature style I just enjoy experimenting with various looks. I’m super inspired by 90’s fashion, edgy outfits but also chic and feminine styles. One of my favourite things about travel is actually putting together different outfits that fits with the scene of the country I’m visiting. 

  • Favorite book?

The Great Gatsby for sure. That just made me super sad because it reminded me how we all thought 2020 was gonna be about fancy Gatsby parties but really we’re all just stuck at home and summer is cancelled. 

  •   Favourite movie?

La La Land. I could watch this movie on repeat. I love everything about it- the jazz, the dancing, the setting, the characters. Unpopular opinion but the ending is my favourite part.

  • Current relationship status? 

So cliché but in love with meeeeeeeee 

  • Favorite vacation? 

My first vacation alone with just a friend was actually to New York and so far that was the best trip I’ve had- then just a few months later I moved here and have lived here since. 

  • Last book I read? 

The Analyst- I found this in a random bookstore back in England for only £1 and I honestly couldn’t put it down. I love mystery novels with an intriguing and totally unpredictable twist.

  • Do I ever get good morning or goodnight texts? 

Never. Ever. Ever. Ever. 

  • Hugs or kisses? 

I’d rather you didn’t touch me 🙂

  • Who is on your mind? 

Wouldn’t you like to know…

  • What does the most recent text that you sent say? 

“What do you mean?” Sorry it’s nothing juicy.

  • Favorite part of your daily routine? 

Honestly right now I don’t even have a routine.

  • Would you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? 

Definitely a combination of both I’d say 51% introvert 49% extrovert. Sometimes I’m so outgoing other times I’m the complete opposite. 

  • How many children do you want and why? 

I want a cat.

  • Would you rather only be able to shout for the rest of your life or only be able to whisper for the rest of your life? 

Whisper. I don’t want everyone hearing my personal life, not that I have anything to hide… clearly…

  • Would you rather always be underdressed or always be overdressed? 

Turning up overdressed never hurt nobody.

  • How do you think that you will die? 

Making friends with a serial killer in the Bronx because they seemed cool and friendly but little do I know…

  • What are you afraid that people see when they look at you? 

This HUGE spot on my face right now. I think this is supposed to be more of a deep question so in that case I’d say I’m afraid of people seeing me as insecure or lacking personality.  

  • If you could get on a plane tomorrow to anywhere where would you go? 

Dominican Republic so I can dance Bachata all day and all night. 

  • Are you living a meaningful life? 

Well that just got disrespectful! Let’s leave it here. 

Thanks for stopping by

-Leah

Distance & Time- Appreciating Long Distance Friendships

Distance & Time- Appreciating Long Distance Friendships

We get so comfortable with our current situation; a job, a social circle, the regular weekend plans that when something out of the norm takes place it takes quite an adjustment to adapt to a new level of normalcy.  Today, I wanted to talk about 

2020- 5 Intentions I’m Establishing NOW

2020- 5 Intentions I’m Establishing NOW

This new year is especially significant for me as it’s the start of a new decade for life in my twenties. I’ve been told that it’s a super exciting time and many people have experienced some of their best days in their twenties. Along with 

Memoir of an Italian Summer

Memoir of an Italian Summer

Venice

You charmed me with each and every winding street you took me through, with every glass of wine and with every bridge leading to pretty shops and mesmeric worn out houses.

Wondering through the alleyways with no end destination in mind; just observing the little old lady emerging from her home, hanging up her washing and children playing in the square- like any other ordinary day. 

Laying beside the canal in the warm nighttime breeze and listening to the notes of the untroubled water was comforting; drowning out the clamor of tourists on the street. Despite being built upon by a restless town, the lagoon remained undisturbed. 

I remember breathing in at that second, inhaling the present moment for what it was,  and for a minute- everything stopped. 

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The Amalfi Coast

A picturesque scene of quaint towns, submerged within the mountains and surrounded by turquoise seas. 

The crisp ocean air brushed against the warmth of my bronzed skin. Lost in the movement of waves rolling back and forth before crashing harshly against the boat surface.

As the night draws to an end, there is nothing but silence in between the clicking of my heels against the staggered cobble stone streets.

Although I am not a lover of sweet Limoncello- and climbing a million stairs in a vertical city is exhausting, I would walk up them a thousand times more, all to end the night with another Amalfi sunset. To gaze upon hues of magenta, a red blue ombre slowly spilling into the deep horizon. 

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Thanks for stopping by!

Ciao, Leah x

Perfectionism and Procrastination

Perfectionism and Procrastination

Perfectionism// Setting highly unrealistic standards for yourself and chronically avoiding failure. In other words, a one way ticket to low self worth and feelings of hopelessness. Whilst aiming for your best and holding high standards is definitely a positive characteristic, when taking this to the